No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
