Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
