Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
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Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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