From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
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