Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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