Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
