Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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