Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
