DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
