I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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