I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
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he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
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Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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