you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
they're like a gay fantastic four
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
