If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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