if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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