this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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