Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize