I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
