Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
