When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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