Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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