Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
