cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
