she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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