Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
That reminds me...we need to get swords
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
