No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
you traded sex for a burrito?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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