Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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