he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
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listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
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You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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