R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize