so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
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