She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
