I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
You left your underwear on the fireplace
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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