I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
