I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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