Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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