As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
