i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
