careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
