hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I just forgot I was standing up.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
