IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
