you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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