we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
