I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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