I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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