I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
