Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
