I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
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