she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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