did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
