Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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