I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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