I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
