your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
