did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
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Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
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I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
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