So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
