is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
