every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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