I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
