This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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