dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
