she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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