i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
