Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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