I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
