The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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