Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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