And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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