So drunk its hurt
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
